Monsters of Elsewhere – wassat all abaht, den?

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Seeing as I recently sent the latest-edited draft of Monsters of Elsewhere off to be proofread, I thought I might actually put up some information on what the bloody book is about. To that end, I’ve had a go at writing one of those things. You know… the things. The things publishers put on the back of books. The not-quite-synopses that some people call blurbs but for which I’m not convinced that is the right word. I always thought a blurb was what authors write about other authors’ books when they like them… or when they’re mates with said authors, just met them at a conference and were bought a beer, or share a publisher.

Book covers often have EXCITING CAPITALISED WORDS from author blurbs spaffed all over them, making it impossible to actually see the cover beyond—

“DELICIOUS” – Terry Hambone

“GAMECHANGING” – Stephanie Pensquiggle

“OOOOOH IT’S PROPER SATISFACTIONISING AND WORDIONEERING” – Russell Brand

Sometimes, the publishers like the blurb so much, they put the whole thing across the top of the cover. You know, like they did with Guyland.

guyland

Just as Reviving Ophelia introduced readers to the culture of teenage girls, Guyland takes us to the land of young men.

That’s nice. Comparing Guyland to another book, which whoever wrote this blurb obviously thinks very highly of. So, who did write this nice blurb?

Let’s see, ah yes it was Mary Pipher, Ph.D the… author… of… Reviving Oph— oh. Oh, I see what’s happened here.

Anyway, that’s not the kind of blurb I’m talking about. Because no one has blurbed my book. But that’s okay. I don’t let stuff like that bother me. It’s fine.

OH GOD WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE M—

Here’s the blurb as it stands (work in progress, subject to change, not keen on the last line and so on and so forth)…

As he daydreams about capturing the monster that lives beneath his bed, eight-year-old Henry Whistler disappears from a bus station. When the police eventually find him, he tells tales of an invisible man, murderous blue monsters, magic ‘glassways’, and a girl with bright-red hair.

His stories are disregarded by all but his uncle Eamonn and as Henry grows up, the strange memories of his childhood adventure fade… until the night his fiancée vanishes. Henry returns to his family home and rediscovers a locket and sword once gifted to him by the invisible man, awakening the past.

Alerted to the discovery, a long-forgotten monster draws Henry into the world of Elsewhere; a world where glass is a form of transport, giant wolves tear villages apart, and a monster king is bringing his army across the sea to capture the legendary Hall of Glass… the very hall that Henry must reach if he is to return home and find his lost love.

Pursued by a blind assassin, and with only a monster and a man who has been dead for centuries for company, what could possibly go wrong?

So, there you go. Now you know a little bit more about my book than you did five minutes ago.

And if you still give a toss and are thinking, “Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, M– [WHAT? WHAT DO YOU WANT?] How will I know when your book is out?” then I can help you with that.

I’ve set up a mailing list, which you can easily join. It’s not a general-information-or-updates-about-my-shitty-life mailing list, it is specifically for notifying people when Monsters of Elsewhere comes out. You can access that mailing list HERE.

On an unrelated note, thank GOD all my fish burp problems are over…

Burp Less Fish Oil

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